Screen Shot 2015-05-05 at 5.29.01 PM‘The cost of not following your heart is spending the rest of your life wishing you had…’

I can’t say that I’m the most spiritual person by most Christian’s standards. I probably break a few biblical rules every now and then, and I am not in church every Sunday.  But my belief in God is strong.  And my Faith even stronger.

Every time I’ve ever decided to just up and move to another state, it hasn’t been just a random decision that I wanted to do for shock value.  It’s hard for me to explain, but I’ve always felt this strong nudge from a higher power that told me it was time to go, and where my next destination would be.  Although a lot of times, it made complete sense business wise (the moves to Los Angeles, and New York) at other times, it made no sense at all and I just had to brace myself for what awaited in the cities I was being directed to.

For example, last June, I was set up on a date with this guy (I kind of miss him!!!) and we had breakfast. I swear I had only sat down all of 10 minutes before he asked me, ‘Are you happy with what you do?’  I remember cringing just a bit, because the struggle of what I wanted to do versus what everyone else wanted me to do had been very real over the past few years. I was hoping that I wasn’t carrying around that energy. It’s the worse when you are trying to figure yourself out, and you find yourself feeling stuck and hating everything you used to love about your life, and people can feel that energy when you walk in the room. That’s awful.

Actually, I’d rather just stay home.

I responded, ‘Are you??’

His response: ‘I am. But it’s not about me, it’s about the young men that I mentor and inspire, hoping that they don’t make the same mistakes as I did in the beginning of my  professional career. ‘

From there, our breakfast date turned into a 30-minute pep talk about life. He did the talking, I listened while envisioning myself running out of there and crawling into a shell. I kept imagining myself as him, looking at me as someone who was supposed to be successful, but instead I was sitting there all insecure about my career and where I was in life.  I wanted to end the date, because frankly put, no matter how he felt about me good or bad, I wasn’t comfortable with him dating that version of me.   Can we have a redo when I get myself together?

When I got home, my friend who was waiting at my house asked, ‘How was your date?’ And I blurted out, ‘He’s an amazing guy but …I’m moving to Arizona.’

She was like, ‘What???’   And in my mind, I was wondering the same thing. Like, girl what did you just say?

I repeated. ‘I’m moving to Arizona.  I’m going out there, and I’m going to figure myself out. I can’t keep living my life like this…’

Til this day, I still don’t know what made me come to the revelation that Arizona is where I should be. All I can say is that some spiritual force directed me there.  Even though it wasn’t an entertainment capital, or somewhere that would allow me to blossom in my career by providing me more access to more industry tastemakers and celebrities, I truly believed that’s where I would find clarity…and a bit of happiness.  And I didn’t ask any questions.

It’s been five months since I made the move, and I will say, I’m experiencing the most happiest and enlightening time of my life.  It’s like a rebirth of sorts, which I can’t quite put into words, and is partially the reason I’ve been ‘reclusive’ (as someone put it recently).  When you go through changes in life, especially positive ones, sometimes there is that fear that people won’t be accepting of the ‘new you.’   And the reality is, sometimes they won’t. This is an opportunity to do closet clean out, because everyone isn’t meant to go into the next part of your journey with you. (That was a Note To Self:)

Looking back, if I had never moved and taken myself out of a space that was becoming very stagnant, I would have eventually become stuck. I wouldn’t have progressed and reached my true potential. I would have stayed stuck!

When it feels scary to jump, that’s exactly when you jump.

Otherwise, you end up staying the same place your whole life.

And that I can’t do

What I have learned is, it is extremely difficult to find and walk in your purpose when you surround yourself with ‘If I were you’ people. And what I mean by that is, it’s natural to run to friends about what you are going through but sometimes when you need advice, you have to find it in those who are already where you want to be, not from people who want to be where you already are.

When I lived in LA and New York over the past four years, people were constantly giving me advice based on their idea of what I should be, or what they would do if they were in my shoes, not realizing that what they wanted for me, wasn’t what I wanted for myself. ‘If I had your platform, I would do this this and this’ was all I ever heard, but those things that I was getting advice on wasn’t fulfilling me nor was it leading me closer to my purpose.

The result is feeling lost, and feeling stuck. You lose yourself.

Do you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?

Once I revealed I was moving, I received so much opposition from people who thought I was absolutely crazy that I almost talked myself out of it.  I heard things like, ‘how are you going to stay relevant?’  (Let’s be honest, if I wanted to be relevant in today’s culture, snagging a famous boyfriend, or releasing a set of nudes would get me there real quick) — but what do you consider relevant? What kind of relevancy am I seeking? I want to break amazing ground, have an impact on my culture, and leave a legacy that’s uplifting and inspiring to young women. How am I doing that now?  How am I going to do that?

That’s the question I had to ask myself.  That’s the question I challenge anyone to ask themselves when they feel stuck in a space of mediocrity or when they’ve obtained success but aren’t fulfilled.

What impact do I want to have in my profession?

What do I want my legacy to be?

Am I on the right path?

What changes do I have to make to get there?

I watched a speech by Lauryn Hill a few years ago, and it there was a bit in there that moved me.  I knew then that I would have to make some changes in my life and in my career soon.  She said:

We’re all trying to get to this next level without the next level finding us.

I went from the top of one mountain, [and] I’ve mastered something and people appreciated it. Once you’ve been on top on that mountain, you have to move, but people are like, ‘I’m not moving….I’m the master, I’m great, I’m dope, I’m here, I’ve arrived, I’m not going anywhere!’

That’s when you stay stuck…

on one hill, one mountain.

God’s intention is that we study and master a bunch of things. So here I am descending this hill and everybody is like “Where are you going, we’re suppose to be on top of the hill?”

But it’s definitely an exciting time for me because I’m at the foot of another hill. This hill is totally different and navigated differently, but I get to learn. Once you learn and you go through that, you’re on the top of another one.

I would encourage everyone to never be afraid of not knowing…find out because that’s how you get to mastership.

Let’s not be mediocre in our greatness.

Think big, and think in doses, and think in experiences and don’t be afraid of experiences that teach you.

I shared that quote to say, I’m finally working towards my dream. I’ve had a long amazing journey, but I honestly think it’s only just begun. I’ve only scratched the surface of my potential.

And I can’t wait to see what’s in store.

Mission started.Necole Kane Roosevelt Row Phoenix AZ
Sometimes constantly looking back will keep you from pushing forward

Originally published May 2015

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56 comments

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THIS spoke to my soul! This is where I have been for the last year. I have been receiving messages all day and THIS tops it all off. Thank you for sharing! Thanks for your transparency. THIS is right on time.

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You have so eloquently put into words everything I’ve been feeling for the past year. I have been talking about moving because I currently feel that I won’t reach my full potential if I stay where I am. I’ve reached a space of feeling like I’m going through the motions and a desire to want to experience something more; something different. At the same time, there’s fear that has set in that has caused me to talk for a year about it without any action. Thank you for being so transparent about your journey to self discovery. Not only is it refreshing but comforting in knowing someone else feels the same way I do.

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I was at Bevy Smith’s Life with Vision brunch last September and I remember you spoke. My heart went out to you because I could see that you were in the midst of trying to change in regards to your career, etc.
I am so happy to read this and see that you are on your journey to doing what it is in your heart. I understand because I am on that journey as well. I took some time away from my job as a registered nurse a few months ago to focus on how I can be of better service to this world and those around me. I know it all starts with finding our true passion and inner happiness. I have such profound faith in God and trust the universe. I’m not religious (church, etc) as well but my spiritual guidance is strong. As a fellow Virgo (holla!) I know you are going to achieve greatness, just as you already have with your blogging career. So happy for you and I wish you nothing but love and light.

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First of all, Thank You for this post. It’s beyond beautiful. Girl, I was shouting “AMEN” and ” HALLELUJAH” (inside) the whole time that I was reading this! I promise you, I could NOT keep still! Right now I’m at work, and it’s about 2AM. I’ve been here for nearly 8 years at this same desk, not making much more than I did when I started here. While reading this, I felt this fire ignite like never before. Only because I can connect 100% to everything I just read! Especially when you stated that you didn’t want your date to date that “faction” of you. I recently had a close friend, actually someone I’m dating, tell me that I am “stuck”. Even though I have felt that way before, I never accepted being “stuck” as my reality! But to know that he looked perceived me that way, was challenging. I definitely could relate to the part about finding Your Own solutions to these unanswered questions and feelings that can stalk you! People swear they know you, when heck, You barely know you! I felt the biggest connection when you said you wanted to help young women, and just people as a whole! I am dealing with these same matters and more! I am from Chicago, and still reside here.I have a testimony out of this world, as I’m sure a lot of young women do. I am going to utilize my voice and story as an example and inspiration for our children who feel that they are stuck because certain circumstances. I felt like I could have written this post, although it may not have been as beautifully written, I was definitely co-signing the whole way! Your most recent Instagram post where you wrote, ” Don’t awaken my love if you have no plans to stay”, led me to start researching you and your story and somehow I got here! I’m sure it was God really. To meet you, and have you speak at one of my events on Empowering Youth are now both on my bucket list. I’m just now building my brand, so you have a little time to prepare your speech LOL, but I’m dead serious! I wish you the best in everything that you do! You are truly a blessing! We need more positive women like you as role models in our communities. I am proclaiming myself as one. Now if I can just start this movement.. TBC

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Hi Necole,

The blessing is not knowing when to move or let go but having the COURAGE to do so.

I have just recently embarked upon something that truly brings my life fulfillment and joy. I’ve learned that when you have a fresh new vision it is best to tuck it away deep inside and do the work to bring it to pass without announcing it for approval.

In my new venture I didn’t tell a soul because I realize the only permission I needed was from God and He gave me the “go ahead” when he placed that vision in my heart.

Spread your wings and fly! Greatness awaits you.

p.s. I have a story to tell from being in a very abusive marriage, to being a single mother of 3, to battle an advanced stage of colon cancer. I should be here but by God’s grace I am. No longer am I ashamed of my journey. I realize it has a purpose to be a witness and a blessing to someone else. If my story can be of service to you in any way, please let me know. [It took courage for me to write this – proof that I am no longer operating in fear].

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I’m at my desk crying. You moved me. I needed this today.

Thank you.

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I love when you blog. Not like “or Necole I just love your work” No!, I. LOVE. WHEN. YOU. BLOG. It’s always, always, always at the time when I NEED TO HEAR AND READ WHAT YOU WRITE. There is no such thing as coincidence. Instead its “Godincidence” and as someone once told me which breaks down to God in Dance. God in dance in your life leading you to where you need to be. God as the leader of your life. This blog, this post today is all God. Like you I haven’t always been the best Christian on paper but I VERY MUCH KNOW GOD WALKS WITH ME ALWAYS!!! and this post is all God and exactly what I need today. Your blogs have been on my mind lately, I miss them very much when you take your breaks but I am realizing that your blog seem to be connected with a timing that God is control of. They always, always, always always are just exactly what I need to here. They always hold the questions to a answer I have been asking, simply put God in dance leading my life and pointing me to an answer. Thank you for this post. I pray for the strength to act, but I know in God timing I will. Thank you for sharing your journey with us hun. It helps more than you realize. #youinspire

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I just want to let you know that I admire your transparency. You’re truly life for you on your own terms and I strive to do the same.

You’re amazing Necole!

Thank You

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This was gorgeous, spot-on and timely. I felt as though I was reading words written directly from my very own mind. I too have done some pretty drastic, last-minute moves and have been trying to differentiate whether I am running away or running towards. It was really great to see this expressed so eloquently – extremely touching x

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THIS QUOTE THO…”Sometimes constantly looking back will keep you from pushing forward” So timely, relevant and true.

SN I still need to come out to AZ to visit you! I have not forgotten.

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Literally my situation. Leaving miami to follow my dreams in LA. Back to Cali

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I needed this!

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Thanks for sharing.

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Press on. Inspiring words – thank you for sharing.

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Nycole, I have loved several times for this very reason. When my daddy died in January I started getting the itch to start over again. I have been searching for my new phase

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I seriously needed to hear this!! We all have those times in our lives where we feel lost. For some reason, when I have that feeling God directs me to something. Whether it is a song, A BLOG, a video, or even a clip in a movie…I feel as thought that it is God sending me a message through someone or something. It happens everytime, as if it were made for me. I had moved from my hometown and had gotten very lost over the years, and I just decided to watch a live web cast from my old church, and it had me in tears, as if the message was made for you. Sooo many times this happens to me, and I just have to stand up and say I hear you God! I hear you loud and clear (I think)!! I just want to thank you for posting this. God is speaking to me through you once again. After becoming a mom at a young age, I have felt that my dreams have become just some fantasy. I don’t even know what my definition of success is. I just know that I want to be successful, and I want my daughters to look up to me and have an extremely positive role model to look up to. I have no idea what I want to become, but I know that living in a city filled with lazy/ignorant thoughts, and negative souls will never get me anywhere. I know that I am just a bird, who doesn’t quite know how to fly yet, or if I even can. God Bless you Necole! I will pray that you find peace and fulfillment in your journey. Please continue to post about your journey!

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Great article! Very inspirational

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Spell check is the devil. I meant that I have moved several times.

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I think you are very brave. Continue to be an inspiration for those that are eager to move forward !!!

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KB Mac excellent read!!

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all i can say after reading this is… THANK YOU!

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Thank you so much for sharing. This spoke to me in so many ways. May your journey be filled with many blessings ahead.

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Your blogs are so personal and raw. I felt like me and you just had girl talk over mimosas and French toast. God is already there wherever your journey takes you

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Love this…im currently in the “stuck” part of my life…but its sooo much harder when a child is involve…

So true!!!^^ ✊

Yes I love this but I wish I had the advice and motivation of someone with a child that took that leap on faith

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I FEEL YOU…………BUT NOW I’LL
NEVER KNOW.

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Very inspirational and on time. There were lots of confirming tidbits of wisdom. God is truly using you. Bless you Necole and everybody else on the quest to greatness.

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My spiritual awakening was the BEST thing that ever happened in my life!!! Like you i am a Christian…but i think differently now so i feel more spiritual than religious. And with spirituality (which is reality) we have to be our AUTHENIC selves…can no longer live a lie. I’ve been a nurse for 10 years and has had a moral conflict for 3 years. I could no longer fight my purpose…I recently enrolled to become a Holistic Health Practitioner. This will be my legacy! And once you know it…it shall come to pass. Thank you for sharing! Peace&Blessings

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<3

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Amazing encouraging testimony!!

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Very brave of you. #thatisall

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Congratulations on following your heart and moving to the place where your spirit led you. I am happy for you. I am also drawn to Arizona for some reason and plan on visiting soon…

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Thank You for this. I can truly relate to everything in this post. I KNOW I am stuck. I’m trying to find my purpose and it always appears out of reach.

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This makes me so happy! Thanks for sharing your journey Necole and letting us know we are not alone in our feelings. Reaffirming our thoughts, feelings, ideas, goals, etc are ALL VALID!

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Absolutely beautiful! A friend sent me this article because it reminded her of my own journey. I can see the parallels. Rock on dream sister!

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I follow necolebitchie.com and this site and I must say you are an inspiration. Every time I come on this site and read your insightful articles it makes me want to get off my butt and go do something. Something for myself instead of always trying to do things that others approve of. But I never thought of, “you have to find it in those who are already where you want to be, not from people who want to be where you already are.” I have never thought about it that way and you just gave me a whole new perspective. All 23 years of my life and never have I thought about it in that matter. I spend days on pinterest creating all these new boards of adventures I want to go on but they are just that. I never take action and I constantly find myself depress and unmotivated and constantly questioning my life. Reading this article gave me some sense of security that even someone with the success that you have had still questions her potential. Keep inspiring young women and keep on writing! You are really a talented writer!

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ahh necole you did it agin if i didnt know i’d think we were sisters…This spoke VOLUMES..iim bored at my job n surfing your site n stumbled on this..youre amazing dont stop!…this is inspiring i need to get my shit together..Thankss

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I’m so full right now just from reading this! I have sooooo much to say. But I’ll sum it up by just saying THANK YOU SO MUCH! You inspire me in so many ways!!!

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I needed this message. I admire your courage to share. Just know that I truly needed this. I wish you well in AZ. I pray your strength, continued enlightenment, happiness and prosperity.

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This post has blessed me! Just like so many others that have commented, I needed to read this. This post has come at a perfect time. I can’t imagine how many people you will inspire with this post. I will pray that you take God with you on every step of your journey. “I will go before you, and make the crooked places straight.” Isaiah 45:2

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BLOGGER BURN OUT IS REAL. As founder of the nation’s first online Black radio station and a pioneer in the Black blogosphere, I have been watching from afar thinking we were witnessing your nervous breakdown. I am happy you got ahead of it, took control of your destiny and left it all behind….at least for a while. In June 2014, I experienced “a Jerry McGuire” moment after watching a PBS special on #FreedomFighters. Instantly I decided I just HAD to make my freelancers join me in taking Greyhound cross country to the BET Awards. Only a couple went for it but after two days of what I can only describe as “lifechanging” experiences, we all emerged from the bus changed. When we got to the media room, people recognized us. It was gratifying.

Upon returning, I knew it was time for a change. I have been running a social media ministry ever since teaching domestic violence victims and their kids to blog. One of clients is at jujusartblog.wordpress.com.

Recently, I broke my silence and came out as a domestic violence victim, something I nad not spoken publicly about. I started doing radio interviews. My soul wants to repeat the trip to L.A. Again in a few days. I am not certain if I can but sometimeswebave to follow our hearts.

YOU WILL FIND YOUR WAY but like Rob Kardashian sometimes the only way to heal is to leave the people who are not good for you. For both you and I that means a loss of our earning potential but there is more to come, Necole. LET IT ALL GO and watch it all come back….better than before. Do not have one foot in, one foot out. Go for it. We’re all cheering for you.

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Say hi to Sedona, AZ for me…you’ll be glad you did <3

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Wonderful post Necole. I’ve been stuck for a while and now have an idea I want to pursue but have been nervous to do so. Ive been praying on its. Your post
Is so timely. Wish you the best on your journey. You are truly a blessing to others, and will be blessed in turn.

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Ok, now I’m sad to know that you’re not going to be writing anymore and I only JUST discovered your fabulous content today.

I am here – or there – where you were/are in several of the posts I read. I just booked a ticket to Minnesota – I don’t even know why, but it’s happening and something is calling me there. I, too, want to make an impact on others to provide them with encouraging messages about pursuing dreams and investing in themselves.

It felt like I lost my dream (and it feels quite hazy right now), but reading all of your posts… it is inspiring. I have a lot of goals and dreams God placed in my heart and so many things I’ve heard/read in the last week (including a few of your posts) reminds me that it wasn’t by accident. If you can do it, why can’t I? If He can do it for you, then definitely for me too. 🙂

Now that I know you, I’m looking forward to following and watching you blossom even more than the last 7 years. I hope one day we get the chance to meet, so I can thank you in person.

Cheers,
CVE

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Hi Necole,

To be honest, I didn’t really read your entertainment blog much. However, as a blogger for the past 5 years, I do know who you are and can respect that you definitely mastered the niche of entertainment blogging. When you announced that you were going to leave Necole Bitchie behind you to pursue what TRULY made you happy, it made a big splash in the blog community. And I loved it. Not because I felt like you should stop, but because I could so relate to your why. To realizing that something was missing and that even though you had achieved other people’s definition of success, you wanted something different. You wanted to leave behind a positive legacy – not just A legacy. You wanted to feel fulfilled.

That seeking of fulfillment is exactly what drives me as I try to rebrand my blog and move towards my dreams. I’ve been letting self-doubt and fear hold me back, but I’m tired of moving towards the wrong goal just because that goal means something to others. I NEED to move towards the goal that means something to ME. And I feel like that is what stood out to me about this leg of your journey. I don’t know you, but I am truly happy for you and admire you for putting yourself out there like this. This alone is inspiring (along with your “I’m moving on” post from your other site). I wish you much success in pursuing what it is that truly motivates you and makes you feel like the best and happiest Necole that you can be.

In 5 years, we will both look back at this junction in our lives and be thankful for our wake-up call. I know that the journey will likely be riddled with obstacles (many of which may be mental), but I look forward to the growth that is inherently the result of getting through the maze of life. Wishing you much luck!

P.S. I have been feeling drawn towards Seattle for years and you make me feel like I should just take a leap of faith and go.

Love & Light,
Tiffany

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And to think we live in a conscious, loving universe that is simply waiting for us to ride the waves of self-actualization. Check out the book “Jonathon Livingston Seagul”. I was introduced to this book many years ago. As we journey towards our personal legend our Lord above, the angels and wise ones will guide us along.

Be blessed Necole,

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Necole you are beautiful! I applaud you for not just your courage but being able to be honest with yourself. So many people get stuck and stay stuck and sadly some listen to stuck people for advice. You listened to Divine Inspiration and look at you now!! Awesome!! Your testimony inspired and motivated me to conquer more mountains in my own life, not just one!!

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Love you, Necole. Followed you from Necole Bitchie, here & will follow wherever you go next. Keep spreading the positivity & light. <3

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Enjoy the journey Necole! We are here by your side learning and experiencing with you.

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Hi Necole, I’m from Nigeria. I read your post on one of nigerian’s biggest blog. A site that generate more than a million view everyday and get an average of 80 comments on every posts. It just saddened my heart that just few people where able to read your very inspiring ‘long’ article, almost all the comments reflected that. I hardly visit gossip site but I thank God I did on that day and your story touches my heart deeply.

This is just what every humans wants to pour out but are afraid because of the kind of impression this will get. I also had to read the Harvard business review site you mentioned and I felt a deep relieve from my deepest soul. What I learnt from you just these few days is more than what I have ever learnt in my entire life. Thanks for sharing this, you are such a great inspiration!

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Amazing insight! I can relate to your story. I deeply feel that I can do better, be greater, and touch many lives with my passion for helping people. But I don’t know how to find that part of me that is all me. I feel something bigger inside of me than I can put into words, deep down in my soul. I sometimes feel it clawing its way to the surface, (esp when I’m doing something for others or just listening to my cousin’s emotional discord) inch by inch, but I get scare and push it back down. I don’t know exactly what I am afraid of. Just writing these words for my eyes to see is making tears welled up in my eyes.lol I hope you find ‘all of you’ and touch as many lives as possible. We are put on this earth for great purposes than one. That I believe with all my heart.

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Necole, just here to say well done and great job with xoNecole…it is something we didn’t know we needed but we do and it is such a great place to go and feel like you’re hanging out with your tribe, getting advice, motivation and leaving it feeling good and looking forward to the next day! So thank you!

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LOVE IT! LOVE IT! I just found this article (and have plenty more to look through on your site) and it resonates with me so well. I have been a part of Corporate America for 8 years and feel strongly that I am ready to leave and give my all (versus only of me) to my fashion accessories business. My biggest fear is living with regret. Thank you for sharing your story and I look forward to following you and your journey!

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This was great

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